5/20/15

Thanks for the date, when do I start?

Searching for a job is a lot like online dating.

You start out excited. You fill out your profile, and a couple more just to be safe. You're transparent, thinking you'll find someone who values the same things you do. You don't expect Prince Charming, but you're confident you'll find someone acceptable fairly easily: you're attractive, have interesting hobbies, and are a good person, so how hard could it be when you have so much to offer? Your first messages arrive soon...

...and it's the old trolls who think you're young and dumb with no idea what you want: easy to use and lose. Ah, insurance sales companies. You have technical skills and years of experience, but that's "not a problem." You can be trained to like what they have to offer--it's not what you want, but they think it should be.

Delete. Delete. Delete. Did you just break the delete key?

Ok, relax, browse listings. "That guy" is described as VGL (he's not!) and successful; you'd love to try his hobbies, but he needs constant ego stroking. This unknown company thinks it's Fortune 500 and they need everything you offer. You get to travel the world on their dime while building your LinkedIn portfolio doing high level work that requires years of experience...a great opportunity as an unpaid intern.

Skip.

Nice, this guy has it all. He's attractive with similar interests. And, wow, he messaged you back! But he only wants one thing, and it's not your needs. He'll only be a minute, though, so tough it out: you should be honored to get with him. This employer advertises full-time work as "freelance" to force the company's tax burden onto the employee. They know they're top dog and think you should be grateful to have their scraps.

Pass.

By now, you're discouraged. You think something is wrong with your approach, but your friends say, "your profile is great, you should be getting dates!" while your colleagues just commiserate with you over today's options. Both suggest the best solution is to get lucky, accidentally discovering someone in the supermarket. Discouraged, you continue to spend months alone.

Occasionally you meet someone who says you're everything they want--and they're more than happy to tell you about all the wrong guys they choose over you. These employers claim they can't find good employees. Their own systems weed out talented candidates in favor of those who have the most time on the job, and they use this error as reason to outsource and further hurt you, the good employee.

It took me a very long time to find an amazing boyfriend--but the job search has higher stakes, the very ability to live, which cannot wait. Looking for work shouldn't be a childish game that spans more than seven years. The old troll, "VGL" guy, and the self-absorbed jerk need to be fixed--as soon as possible. They're sowing their seed at our expense.

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